Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Diamonds and Fairy Dust.

Our love story is proof that God can turn broken things into blessed things. When I met Mr K, I was going through some major changes in life, unsure, scared, and at a crossroad where all I had was my faith, and my safest comfort that my God had me, that my God would not forsake me, that my God had a plan so much bigger than I could see. And so many months after, as I witness how God has weaved small circumstances into big miracles, I know with all my heart how incredibly faithful my God is. How blessed, and how special, and how awesome it is to be loved by a God, that is in your corner, even on the darkest nights and a God that is stronger, mightier, protective of us in our deepest hurts.
I didn’t understand, and for a long, long time. I was so incredibly hurt by this growing pain. While my faith remained unshakeable, my heart was broken for this life lesson that God was teaching me.
Looking back has been a journey of awe. A journey to always remember that beauty rises from the ashes. That in the midst of what I thought was my biggest failure, was the beginning of grace in healing and renewal. I battled what felt like a million demons at times, struggling and clawing, wanting to stop and give up many times but knowing that we had to scrape away all the old to give way to the new. I had the gift of a counselor, that got me, in the first session. That didn’t judge, didn’t take bullshit, but didn’t corner me into a wall either. An hour a week, I had a safe place to come to to just say I’m broken, I’m broken and I don’t know how to fix this, and I am tired, and I am struggling, and I am hurting. She taught me how to trust my gut, to rely on my instincts, to be true to how I felt. She taught me to find my voice, to confront all the things I had kept buried so deeply, to stop running. She taught me how go back and change my story. She taught me how to stop, rewind, and play again. She taught me that the dark was scary but that dawn would always come. She taught me strength, and forgiveness. She gave me permission to grieve, again and again, she gave me permission to be raw, and vulnerable, and blindingly honest. And in that, she gave me, me, on a silver platter, with diamonds and fairy dust.