Thursday, January 20, 2011

rachealkate.



Making a plan, decisions, and the infinite possibilities, they stir my soul and tempt and call. They scream pick me! pick me! pick me! They scream choices, choices, choices. They scream dream, dream, dream!

They scream, dream, of future of doing what I love and being open to the paths of the unknown and letting go. Growing, shaping, molding and twisting to break new ground, of hope, of exciting new adventures in a life I never imagined.

Of investing, of growing a career that was once just a whisper but is fast forwarding into a reality. Of color and pretty things, of mine and going to bat, of standing up and speaking out.

Taking place, it is all taking place, sometimes too fast and sometimes not fast enough. Learning, believing, having faith, holding on to the light.

Humbled with words of wisdom, sometimes a gentle push and other times a shove into going out of my comfort zone.

In awe and amazed at the God and rockstar ways everything has unfolded. Even the chronically optimist, half-full, life is unexpectedly beautiful, believer in me couldn't have planned this. This, this series of events have slowly unfolded to reveal and give peeks of something so much more. Retrospect is a brilliant and comforting thing, the surreal wonder in knowing that somehow I stumbled and clawed through into gaining these tools and building blocks is kinda crazy and insane.

And suddenly, it all makes sense.

An aha moment.

I can do this, I can do all of this, if I just believe.

Work on it Racheal, work on being, work on achieving, work on imagining, and build on it.

Do.

Sometimes, the hardest part is just taking the first step, and the perseverance of all the subsequent steps after.

A big thing, a defining moment. Sink or swim.

And this week and the week before and this month and this year and everything has been about this. About finding myself, about finding my passions, about letting go, about living life loud and proud and with no regrets. About not settling for good but going for magic.

Because it is in me, it is in me to make do and be content with good, or it is in me to fight, work hard, claw, go to bat for great.

And so I'm trying. I'm picking up pieces, hushing fears, taking chances, leaping.

I am moving forward, finding strength and courage and saying fuck yes.

So many things in the planning stages, so much setting up and groundwork, putting things into place to build a foundation. Tethering between not rushing but not holding back. I do that, I'm a planner and I love the safe and I double-check and triple-check, and sometimes, I talk myself out of things just because of the fear of failure bites me in the ass.

But when I am not, when I believe and when I have a little faith, magic happens. I look back and I see all the times I have just leapt before looking, I see that pure determination and will and no is not an answer and that passionate raw energy and I am grateful.

Somehow, God made me this way. Flawed, somewhat OCD, careful, but also strong, passionate, determined. God made me who I am, and I can choose to beat me down or I can choose to just embrace.

I think that's what v 2.11 is all about, embracing, enhancing, encouraging, but most of all, v 2.11 is about making magic.

About confronting the fears head on, about breaking or making it, about trying then trying again, about going out of comfort zones and having no regrets about life, about holding on and really living this one crazy beautiful perfect awesome life.

Despite everything.

Yes, that's it, despite everything.

I will choose to just dream.

But more than that, I will choose to act on it.

To leap.

To say,

I'm ready, God.



Sent from my iPhone



"Courage is tiny pieces of fear all glued together."
~Terri Guillemets