Sunday, December 19, 2010

Mistakes.



I hate making mistakes....a saving grace, a comfort, knowing that there is a lesson to be learned in all of this, to know better the next time, to make a better choice, to pick the right choice.

Perhaps that is the theme in everything that I do now, the current that lies beneath all these decisions and thought process is to do it right, pick a choice that I can stand behind, make decisions that I can be proud of, and know, with absolute certainty, that it was right and justified and I can find the peace and happy in my soul with that decision.

It is that little voice, that darn bloody little voice that whispers, that nags, that pokes when you've done something not quite right that is the hardest to silence.

I didn't rob, didn't kill, didn't steal.

I forgot to show kindness. I forgot to show love. I forgot to show and I'm embarrassed. Because that ignorance, that pride, that judgement, that was not me.

I chose to fit in instead of speaking out.

So next time, I'll know better.

Next time, I'll do better.

And next time, I will stand by the things I know, by the values I prescribe to and be the person I am meant to be.

I was selfish.

And that word rolls off my tongue with grit and I am so ashamed.