Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Closure.



I wrote a year ago...stringing words into sentences. An email unsent. So angry at that time, so betrayed and devastated. Raw. I knew I had to put my feelings into words, to say the things I couldn't say. To find some semblance of peace, to start healing.

A year later, I wrote another email unsent. I wrote of letting go and moving on. Needing to say it out loud, to say I forgive you, to say I forgive myself. I wrote to find closure. Finally content, finally okay with never really saying anything at all. Resolved internally and finally at peace.

And ironically, this came in my mailbox the next day.

To begin, let me just say that I hope that you are happy and well. I know that I am probably the last person that you wish to hear from, but you were always so kind and genuine to me, that I know that you deserve this. I am, from the bottom of my heart, so very sorry for what you went through last spring. I'm sorry that I wasnt there for you, and I'm sorry that I didn't warn you about what was happening. At the time, I thought that I was making the right decision by keeping my mouth shut, but now that we are no longer speak to J, it is so obvious how wrong I was to just stand by, and watch you get hurt. I am not expecting you to forgive me for any of this. I'm not even expecting you to reply. I just know that you deserve a proper apology and that this was something that I without a doubt had to do. I hope that you are blessed with all of the happiness and love in your life that you can handle and I hope that your friends always prove to be much higher quality than me. You are such a sweet, warm, talented person and i thank you for all of the kindness you showed me. Warmest Regards, C

I spent an hour writing and rewriting a reply.

Overwhelmed.

Relieved.

So many things at once, but not sure exactly what to say or how to say it.

So I said thank you. So I told her how much it meant to me.

And the next day, we talked for an hour. Resolving, finding closure, a host of unanswered questions finally answered.

It was good, so good for my soul and for my heart. Forgiveness is beautiful but more than that, the closure, the resolution, knowing that this was my final piece and what I needed to close this chapter was so incredibly awesome.

I needed this.

And this, this was great.



"You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well."

Unknown