Thursday, May 27, 2010

Garage Sale.

I tried to think of the words, to explain how odd and incredibly surreal the whole situation was. A year later, in boxes and bags and storage units and attics of friends, were memories and things and knick knacks to be sorted through, remembered, put a value on. It was a little bit like seeing an old friend, the warm hug, an embrace of familiarity....yet it was so so odd. So crazy. So absolutely bizzare to uncover things and memories from what seems to be like a different life.

Yes, this was my kitchen and my little decorations, and oh, i loved those mixing bowls and lamp and those birds and those funny stories of little m and her drawings and how she can amuse herself and others around her for hours. Oh, and my wedding dress, and man, that is a gorgeous veil and I loved my wedding and the people in it and oh, look, I'm not sad. It's not tainted. I can smile and remember and holy shit, I can smile, and remember.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

A year, twelve months of intense healing and talking and lots and lots of whys, whats, how, where, who, what. A year later, I am stronger, happier, so so much more at peace. A year later, I understand why things had to happen, why the break and the fall and the incredible hurt and devastation. A year later, I am filled with so much hope for the future..but more than that, a year later, I see how it has all played out and just how incredibly bright and free and amazing the after looks.

And I am letting go.

This garage sale, the literal and figurative meaning rings clear. I have so much baggage, so much crap, so much miscellaneous random treasures and junk that I've been holding on to. The what ifs, the security blankets.

I'm ready, so ready, for a new beginning. For a fresh start. I'm ready to take my lessons and grow. I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to let go. I'm ready to start all over again, from the bottom, from where I started before and where I'll start again, I'm ready.

Bring it on bitches.

"Forgiveness is not the misguided act of condoning irresponsible, hurtful behavior.
Nor is it a superficial turning of the other cheek that leaves us feeling victimized and martyred. Rather it is the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past."

Joan Borysenko